Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Why I Share My Imperfection

My most recent A1C results are in. 8.3. I swear it was going to be so much better than that. I'm actually very disappointed with that number because my day-to-day numbers do not average 200+, even considering the Christmas feast week that would be included in this result. I don't know what's going on, and it upsets me. As a matter of fact, I'm a little ashamed that I can't get things under better control.

If I'm so ashamed of my crappy results, why do I bother to post them on the internet for everyone to read? I do it because I think people like me need to share our stories too. A lot of places on the internet are run by diabetics with sub-7 A1C values who like to pretend that diabetes is easy for them and should be easy for me. For me, diabetes has never been easy, and getting my numbers in line has been a constant struggle since I was 7 years old. Somehow, I hope I'm reaching someone who is roaming the internet looking for people like them, people who are struggling to control this beast, but not seeing the results they'd like.

It's been a long battle for me to even get my A1C down to the 8's. I found an old lab report in my car the other day, dated November of 2012. My A1C was close to 12 at that point. I just... yuck. I mean, yuck. And I've been trying since January of 2013 to actually do something about it. 8.3 is the best I've been able to get. It's very discouraging. Sometimes I feel like giving up because it's never going to get better, but then I realize there is absolutely ZERO chance it's going to get better if I don't try.

I've never been a quitter. I hated playing basketball when I was younger, but I was pretty okay at playing, and I stuck it out to the end of the season. I'm a piccolo player, and if you know anything about piccolos and music, you'll know how much work I've put in to being able to do this 90% of the time:

Why should diabetes be any different? It sucks, and I have to hit a LOT of numbers out of range, but maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to consistently hit it in range consistently someday. 

I've been trying so very hard, and my results are not something I'm super proud of. 8.3. I can't remember the last time I had candy when I wasn't low. I miss desserts and waffles and all those other delicious things that make my body unhappy (this is where I'm happy pizza doesn't mess me up as badly as it seems to mess up a lot of people). I still eat these things, but I know the consequences, and that prevents me from eating them frequently.

So, in short, I share my diabetes imperfections in hopes that I can somehow help people in my situation feel less alone. Or maybe if there is someone out there who needs the kick in the pants to start taking better care of yourself, know that it's possible. Also know that the struggles is real, and just because you're doing everything right doesn't mean the numbers will reflect it. 


  1. Courtney... you do realize that you dropped your A1c roughly 4 percent in a little over a year, right? Do you know how amazing that is? You're going in the right direction, and at your age it's really tough to keep those numbers from jumping around. Just keep trying. You're doing great!

  2. Thank you for sharing, I know it can be hard, especially when people feel the need to rattle off the consequences of having not so great numbers, as if we don't know them already.
    I am currently in the same situation as you, trying to lower that pesky A1C. Like you mentioned, most online blogs or forums are full of people who make living with diabetes seem easy, these resource definitely help me stay motivated and help me with ways to better manage my care, but I also need to see that others are in the same position as I am.

    Congrats on the A1C! It'll get here!

  3. There is no doubt that diabetes is easier at certain stages of life than others. Changing hormone levels do not play nicely with Type 1. You should be proud of your effort and know that sometimes numbers don't tell the whole story.

    I think you live in Atlanta, and if so, I hope you're doing OK despite the terrible ice storm. What a winter you've experienced:-(