Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Living Life With the Double D's (NOT another boob post)

I posted back in March about the other D in my life: depression. Then I wrote that things were okay, and they were. But okay slowly drifted into less than okay, which led to a change of medications. These new meds aren't really doing their job, and I'm fairly certain that at the end of their probationary trial period they will be replaced with another.

Strangely, it hasn't impacted my diabetes. Like, at all. In fact, I dropped my A1C by 1.2 points between February and May. Usually when depression hits me hard, my diabetes care suffers. The thing is, it's super easy for me to get down about my medical conditions. I'll likely be diabetic forever. My belly has little white scars all over it from years of needles. I have strange bits of machinery hanging off of me. I'll be on thyroid meds forever, and my brain can't function very well without pharmaceutical assistance. You get the point. It's incredibly easy to let my health (or lack thereof) get me down.

I've heard many times that challenges we have in life are what make us stronger people. I never really thought that was really applicable to me until I realized that diabetes is actually the thing that keeps me going some days. Some days it's hard to make myself do anything. By "anything" I mean even simple things like get out of bed, shower, and take the dog out. On days like that it is easiest to just fall into my standard routine. For some reason, I have to know my BG number first thing in the morning. Yes, I have a CGM now, but I still need to poke my finger and hear the beep of the meter to make it real. Glancing at the CGM screen is easier and usually just as accurate, but like I said, I fall into my standard routine when I need to. Then I eat the same thing I eat almost every day: something covered in peanut butter. It might be easier to grab something faster and sugarier than that, but I still don't want to mess up my BG.

I have no idea why, in the midst of caring about nothing, I care about my diabetes so much. In that moment, though, I'll take anything I can to keep my head above the water. So I get up, I check my BG and eat peanut butter, and take the dog out.

No matter what, I always care about the DOC. Usually, they care about me too. I know I've really dropped the ball on blogging lately. I kept tweeting, though. It's just that the last few months have been really, really bad with my depression. I'm not going to lie. It sucks, and every aspect of my life has been suffering (except the diabetes). I'm starting to feel a little better, I think. It's a good thing, too. I'm going to have so much crap to post about with the holiday adventures coming up, and my next endocrinology appointment coming up on December 1st!

So, stay tuned, readers, because there might be something posted one of these days.

Edit: I've been sampling drug cocktails all year. It's not supposed to, and it hasn't been reported much, but Escitalopram did cause a noticeable rise in my blood sugar values. So if that happened to you, you aren't alone.


  1. I think that many of us don't know how to live without caring about our diabetes. We can pretend that we don't care, but we always follow through with the basics. That is probably a good thing.

    Hope your mind and psyche get their act together soon:-)

  2. I totally get where you're coming from. The first thing any doctor asks when I talk about depression is how is it effecting my diabetes. But truthfully it usually doesn't, my numbers may creep a little or I might miss a dose but it's like that's the one centering thing that I actually feel in control of. I've been in a rough patch too and am finally coming out of it thanks to a better late than never med adjustment. We're in the same boat, if you ever need to just let it out, let me know