Dblog Week Day 4: Changes

I was diagnosed in late 1997, almost 18 years ago. A lot of things have changed with my diabetes management since then. The technology, the theories, and so on. I've changed too. Obviously I'm not 7 anymore. Let's take a stroll down memory lane...

I remember getting my first glucometer, the OneTouch basic, when I was diagnosed. I thought it was huge, and I almost wish I still had one hanging around to see if it really was as big as my little mind remembers it being. For those of you who never got to experience the OT Basic, it took a large, pendulous drop of blood to cover a circle in the middle of the test strip. It came with a Penlet lancing device that I swear used paper clips as lancets. It never occurred to me that testing would ever happen any other way. After the OT Basic, I got the Profile, then was in for a big change when  Imoved to the OneTouch Ultra. Everything about it was so small! The lancer was smaller, the meter was smaller, the strips were tiny and the sample size was nothing compared to what I was used to. It was the first meter I ever used that had strips that sucked up my blood. That was so cool. Since then, things have continued to get smaller and easier. Now I even have a CGM that can tell me my BG any time.

When I was diagnosed. I was on older insulins that meant I had to eat the same amount of carbs at same time, every single day. I had to get up at 6 to get ready for school, so that meant I had to get up at 6 on weekends to eat the same number of carbs. I was not the favorite sleepover guest. My dad made me the same gross 45 carb shake for breakfast every day. It had peanut butter and eggs in it to keep my BG stable. I remember that very clearly. I also remember being a hungry kid and not being able to eat because it wasn't snack time, and sometimes 15 carbs just didn't cut it. I've never been a big meat or cheese eater, so a lot of the time I was just hungry. Whenever I complained about being hungry my mom would tell me to go have a glass of water.

In 1997 I was started on insulin vials and syringes. Those insulins could be mixed in the syringe so I only had to take one shot at breakfast and dinner instead of two. I remember being really excited when I got to use pens for the first time. It may have been because my hands were smaller, but they felt heavy, and I was terrified I was going to drop them while they were stuck in my body. I went back to syringes because of that. Eventually, after a year of nagging by my mother and doctor, I started on the insulin pump. Even the pump was different in 2002. There was no bolus wizard, so I still used my trusty calculator keychain to figure out my doses. The biggest thing about the pump was that it gave me more freedom. If I wasn't hungry, I didn't have to eat. If I was hungry, I could bolus. It was like freaking magic.

In 1997, I hated diabetes. Okay, that hasn't changed a bit. I still hate diabetes. I deal with that hate differently now. I used to throw hissy fits and refuse to take my shots. In my teen years I didn't want to be different from my peers, and I hated diabetes for making me so different. I tried my hardest to ignore diabetes. I did the minimum it took to stay out of the hospital. As I got older I got used to the doctors telling me that I was doing a really bad job of managing. I didn't care. Diabetes made me different, and diabetes was going to kill me. I was used the that idea. My a1c was 12 for the longest time. Even when I wanted to get better I didn't know how because I was so out of practice. Eventually I adopted a better attitude. I got a better doctor by chance, and now I wouldn't give her up. Now I'm active in the DOC, on Twitter, and sometimes I blog. I joke about diabetes, but not in the usual cupcakes=diabetes way.

So much has changed since 1997. Things I didn't even think of (like CGM) are now a part of my daily life. I can't imagine how different diabetes management will be in another 18 years. Part of me really hopes it will be cured. The other part of me is just accepting that I'll probably just have a few more gadgets to play with. Only time will tell.

Dblog Week Day 3: Clean it Out

I'm not in the mood for anything heavy today, so I'm not going to be cleaning out my emotional closet. As a matter of fact, my literal diabetes closet is actually in order. My purse... well, it's not. I'm not a super girly girl; I don't have a lot of purses. I mostly just carry around the one. It's become a catch-all for a variety of things. Take a look:

There's makeup, not that use it much. I have some gum, my test kit, lip balm, a pencil, a bottle opener I got in Seattle and subsequently forgot about, a AAA battery, the cotton ball from the last time I had blood drawn, an empty Humalog bottle, and, oh yeah, a shit ton of used test strips. The stack of test strips is what makes this post really about diabetes. This post has made me realize that I really should clear that crap out more often. I didn't even realize I had the cotton from my last blood draw. Grooooooss! 

Dblog week 2: Keep it to Yourself

When I joined the diabetes internet, I did so with the purpose of being open. I was not a "perfect" diabetic then, and I'm still not. I did not want to gloss over the negative aspects of diabetes. I refuse to do so. I've always been very open (maybe too open) about diabetes. I share pictures of beautiful CGM graphs when I have them, but I also make sure to show glimpses of the bad days, too. There are very few areas of my life that I'm not broadcasting, but there are a few. Allow me to gloss over them:

I'm not going to give you super detailed information about myself. Very few of you know my last name, and it's going to stay that way. I'm not telling you where I go to school. I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh, and I'm not going to give you my address. I think you understand what I"m saying here.

I try my hardest to not post about other people. This includes my friends, family, boyfriend, and medical professionals. I don't mention any of these people by name because they probably don't want me to. They didn't sign up for Blogger/Twitter just because I did.

I don't like to talk about exactly how much money I have to spend on diabetes. It's depressing. I believe I have answered a few tweets asking about insulin prices with my insurance, but I must have been in a generous mood. I don't like talking about the financial burden of diabetes.

To sum it up: I have loose lips on the internet, but some things are just out of bounds. 

D Blog Week Day 1: I can!

It's taken me a while to sit down and really write this post. I've had diabetes for a while now, so it's not that I'm a stranger to doing things while diabetic, or I couldn't think of anything cool I've done. My problem was the exact opposite: I have too many cool stories of things I've done in spite of or because of diabetes. I got to do the coolest summer abroad in Greece during 2011 (seriously, I got to play with bones). I've graduated college. Diabetes has helped me overcome some of my social anxiety. There's so much stuff that I have done with diabetes that would make a really good story, so maybe I'll save them for another time. Perhaps my post will seem mundane in comparison to others, because I decided to write about something so simple.

Despite diabetes, I've managed to fall in love.

Maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal, because in the grand scheme of things diabetes isn't that huge. It isn't going to turn me into a raging monster (except when I have high BG). Diabetes is not going to stop people from caring about me. Unfortunately I spent years believing that I would never find love while diabetes was in the picture.

I usually don't bring up things like this, so it's a little difficult to say. When I hit the age where boys were no longer a disgusting alien race, it occurred to me (not for the first time) that not everybody has diabetes, and dealing with diabetes isn't fun. Why would a perfectly good boy want to waste time waiting for me to check my blood sugar when he could be eating already with another girl? Why would a boy want to go out with me when there's a chance that my diabetes will do something stupid and I'll have to cancel when other girls wouldn't? I knew how much of a burden diabetes was to me, but that was the hand I was dealt. Why would another person willingly subject themselves to being around that all the time?

Like most girls, I joked around in high school and had a few boyfriends here and there. It wasn't until I hit my senior year of high school that I realized that diabetes didn't have to be a relationship changer. My best friend in the whole entire universe put up with my diabetes. She understood that sometimes we had to hang out and watch TV for a bit until my BG was in line. A boyfriend is supposed to be like a best friend, just a little bit different, right? If my bestie accepted the diabetes with grace, any good guy should be able to do the same, right? I could even consider myself fortunate that I had a built-in, non-negotiable test that my potential suitors had to pass.

Now I'm going to get mushy and nostalgic.

I met my current boyfriend in 2009 while doing marching band together. We were friendly, and we  talked a little bit here and there. We weren't super close. I started having problems with some depression medications I was taking in 2011 and I posted something vague about it on Facebook. Being the awesome guy he his, he messaged me to talk about it. Eventually he asked me out. He knew I had diabetes before we started dating, but I was still shy about it on the first date.

 At the time of the first date I was drowning in diabetes and trying super duper hard to manage it. Nothing was working, and I had one of the worst endocrinologists on the planet (for real, he was fired by his practice). I was back to manually logging numbers in an effort to make myself check more. So I explained my huge purse and unsightly notebook while I was poking my finger at lunch.

We've been together almost four years now. We live together with a dog and a cat. I can unequivocally say I'm in love with this guy. He makes me happy. The best part is that I have someone outside my family (BFFs are family) that I can bitch to about diabetes. It's taken some training, but he knows the lingo and all of my routines. We can laugh together about the strange places test strips end up living.

For anyone out there left wondering: yes, you absolutely can find someone who will love you, diabetes and all.

Downplaying the D-beastie

"I took insulin. I'll just grab some water to go."

"It's nothing a glass of juice won't fix!"

"Really, it's not a big deal."


I catch myself saying these things all the time. Really, it's understandable. I have things I want to do (plans with friends, a party, whatever), and I really don't want diabetes to get in the way by being its annoying self. The biggest problem is that diabetes just wants to ruin my day sometimes.

I'm going to a beer tasting with my friends, but my BG is really high because my site went bad overnight. Diabetes and I are fighting, and my friends are about to end up in the middle of it. I'd better diffuse this situation. I'm not spilling ketones, so I do an injection, change my set, and head out the door because it's not a big deal

Do you see how easy it is to downplay diabetes like this? The truth is, this beer tasting is outside, during the summer, in Atlanta. The truth is that all I want with a high BG is a tall glass of water instead of beer. The truth is, I'm irritable right now, and I'm feeling dehydrated. The truth is... it is a big deal to me.

I was raised to not use diabetes as an excuse for anything, and I don't. I'm also the person that doesn't want to get in the way; I like to go with the flow. I don't want to be "that diabetic" with the problems, so I never let it show that it bothers me.

I was thinking about my downplaying habits in relation to personal advocacy. What is it saying about the severity and seriousness of diabetes if I'm always saying it's not a big deal? Are people going to take my fundraising and awareness campaigns seriously if I'm able to do things with a high or low blood sugar?

Moving forward, I'd like to change the way I handle it when diabetes acts up. If it's beer time, and I'm high without ketones, I'll likely still go out. I'll explain why I'm holding back on the beers. I'll tell my friends I'm going to be a little cranky for a while, because diabetes is a part of me, and I'm kind of a big deal. 

Foot Update!!

A friendly warning: there is a picture of my stitched foot in this post. 

I had my foot surgery a few weeks ago. When I got home from the surgery, my dog wouldn't leave me alone for a few days. Everything went fine with the surgery, and they put me in a sexy, sexy post-surgical boot. A few days after surgery, my foot was quite swollen, and my toes looked like Vienna sausages.

The pain meds were... an experience. I was prescribed Vicodin, which I thought I had taken before. Well, I have never taken Vicodin before, and it makes me really, really nauseated. I mean, to the point of almost vomiting in my boyfriends car (thankfully I didn't). That being said, taking Vicodin and an anti-emetic every four hours did nothing to the accuracy of my CGM numbers. So at least it had that going for it.

In addition to the lovely drugs, my doctor prescribed this neat little machine for me. It circulates really cool water around my sore foot and squeezes on my other leg to prevent DVT. I really only used it for the first few days after surgery, and now it's sitting in my living room. I really do need to call the guy to return it.





I went back to the podiatrist yesterday, almost three weeks post-op. I was told that my foot looks good and is healing quickly. Yay foot! The doctor took my stitches out, manipulated my foot for a bit, and then bandaged it back up.I haven't been allowed to get my foot wet since the surgery, so that means it hasn't been washed since before the surgery. That's why my doctor's initials are s till on my foot. Also, the smell! I won't even get started on that....

I still have some swelling and bruising in my foot, as well as some pain and stiffness. You know what, though? I'll take it for now. I have at least another week in the sexy gray boot before I can start slipping back into my dancing shoes. Right now I'm still walking like a slow poke, but I should be back to normal-ish soon. 

Diabetes Goals: 2015

Okay, it's January 3 and I have yet to commit to any New Year's resolutions. So here we are. It's good to have goals, it really is, but I've never been a huge believer in changing everything overnight just because the year on the calendar has changed. My goals aren't really specific to it being a new year; they're things I've been steadily working on anyway. Just as it's good to have goals in the first place, it's also good to have them written down and shared. At least for me, having my goals out there gives me a sense of responsibility to stick to it. So, diabetes goals...

• Bring A1C below 7.  I rang in 2014 with an 8.3, and I'm ringing in 2015 with a 7.1. I can do this, I really can. How? Listen to my CGM more than I do. I need to use it to live closer to the 100 line than the 150 line. Last year I started my CGM and I started changing my mindset toward numbers. 200 used to be my upper limit, and over time I've bumped it to 180. I'm afraid that if I bump it any lower it will alarm every time I eat. I think listening to my CGM will make the biggest difference. 
• Stop obsessing over BG numbers. I know it sounds counter-intuitive given my goal of decreasing my A1C, but sometimes I drive myself nuts stressing out over going to bed with my BG at 150+. I stress myself out sometimes for no good reason other than I'd like to see a better number on my meter. 
• Eat fewer carbs. This is a huge challenge for me. Not only are carbs the most delicious thing on the planet, but I'm a vegetarian who hates eggs and cheese. These are the go-to snacks and meals of the low-carbers I've spoken to. I know full and well I'm going to fail this so hard. I like salad and veggies as much as the next person, but potatoes and pasta are the best. 
• Like myself more. This isn't even related to diabetes, mostly. I've always had a hard time liking myself, from the things I say to the way I look in the mirror. Especially the way I look in the mirror. It's hard to admit, but I'm a bit vain. Yeah, the one who hardly wears makeup ever is actually vain. It's something to work on. 

There are my four goals for 2015, or just for life in general. Last year I achieved my goals by May. I'll give myself until June to check back for a progress report unless I beat my record (doubtful).