I love my insulin pump. I love the control it gives me. I love the freedom from the many pokes I'd otherwise have to endure daily. I took a break from my pump a little over a year ago and had mixed feelings about it. And here I am, about to embark on another pump hiatus.
Why? If I'm singing the praises of my pump, then why, why am I giving it up? Well part of me needs another break from being tethered all the time. The other part is really not up to me.
Ever since my suicide attempt last year, I've had a slew of professionals (and my mother) telling me I needed to give up my pump. They consider it to be dangerous and potentially triggering. It's dangerous to have several hundred units of insulin attached to my body, just waiting to be used against me. It's triggering because it's a constant reminder not only of my diabetes, but of how I have lethal means if my mood dipped that low again.
Do I agree with the plan to get me back on pens and away from my pump? Not entirely. When I tried to kill myself with insulin I used a syringe to inject 100 units of Novolog. The max dose for an insulin pen is 60 units. I already know that 100 units isn't going to kill me. I'm going to need multiple injections, so why does it matter if it's 60 or 100 units? I can still get the job done with an insulin pen. Another thing: diabetes doesn't go away just because I don't have to look at my pump! I think about diabetes all the time. It doesn't matter if I'm on a pump or MDI.
I have an endocrinology appointment on Tuesday. My endo is generally of the opinion that a pump is best for me, so we will see how things go this time around.
Given how low my moods have been recently, I'm willing to accept any help I can get. I appreciate the thought that switching to MDI might help.
What do you think? How would you keep a suicidal diabetic safe from themselves and their insulin?
Why? If I'm singing the praises of my pump, then why, why am I giving it up? Well part of me needs another break from being tethered all the time. The other part is really not up to me.
Ever since my suicide attempt last year, I've had a slew of professionals (and my mother) telling me I needed to give up my pump. They consider it to be dangerous and potentially triggering. It's dangerous to have several hundred units of insulin attached to my body, just waiting to be used against me. It's triggering because it's a constant reminder not only of my diabetes, but of how I have lethal means if my mood dipped that low again.
Do I agree with the plan to get me back on pens and away from my pump? Not entirely. When I tried to kill myself with insulin I used a syringe to inject 100 units of Novolog. The max dose for an insulin pen is 60 units. I already know that 100 units isn't going to kill me. I'm going to need multiple injections, so why does it matter if it's 60 or 100 units? I can still get the job done with an insulin pen. Another thing: diabetes doesn't go away just because I don't have to look at my pump! I think about diabetes all the time. It doesn't matter if I'm on a pump or MDI.
I have an endocrinology appointment on Tuesday. My endo is generally of the opinion that a pump is best for me, so we will see how things go this time around.
Given how low my moods have been recently, I'm willing to accept any help I can get. I appreciate the thought that switching to MDI might help.
What do you think? How would you keep a suicidal diabetic safe from themselves and their insulin?
